May 5, 2009

Sin and grace.

My sin bugs me so much and makes me so sad and frustrates me so much. I am so self centered and greedy. I'm terrible at dieing to my flesh. I'm so prideful and unkind.

So. I don't get like this too often, but right now, I'm really feeling my sin. I guess that's good.

The older I get, the more I realize how immature I am and how much I need older, wiser people in my life. How much I need wiser people directing me, giving me advice and how I am so not ready to be an adult. You'd think it'd be the other way around. But it's not. When I was younger, I really did believe I was mature 'for my age' when people told me that. Now I feel quite the opposite.

Looking back over the recent past, I have seen so many situations that I did not handle correctly. Afterwards I wonder how I always make these dumb mistakes?

Grace. I need it so badly. I'm so often reminded of God's grace. After even the worse day, He can make it lovely. I do think I'm doing better in looking to Him for joy. But I just fail so often.

How thankful I am for God's perfect grace. I'm so glad He always forgives, He always knows and He always is in control. I remind myself of this so, so often. Not to justify my sin, however.

I pray that someway, somehow, God will keep my dear friends in my life. That somehow, He will give them the strength to stand being around me and to find ways to forgive me and my sin.

God, Grace and Joy. I need these things always.


Wesley said...

I totally know what you mean. I get bugged most when it's something I'm really trying to stop doing... and then I do it again. All I can do is pick myself up again and ask God for help.

To tell you the truth, it's pretty easy to "stand being around" you. It's really a joy to hang out with you. =)

Emily Joy said...

Exactly Wesley, exactly.

Thank you /so/ much. =]

Matt said...

yeah I know what you mean.

Definitely, Wes.

Anonymous said...

Yes, but take care and remember the purpose of sin is to allow us to focus on Grace and God's love. Focusing on sin leads to despair and shame. Focusing on Grace and God's love leads to a closer relationship with him. ^_^


Emily said...

Thanks Steffi =) I completely agree.