Thank You Lord.

An amazingly overwhelming desire to grow has grown in me. God has ignited in me an incredible passion for growing in character. I don't think I have ever desired to grow in character more than I do now. I don't think I have ever been so excited about killing sin. I have never had such excitement and pleasure in the idea that, while relying on God's strength, I can grow to be more like Him. Just thinking of all of the ways I can be serving Him if I grow, challenges me. Serving Him is so lovely.My friends, God is so attractive and lovely. He is the most beautiful thing that exists. Aspiring to grow to be more like Him not only blesses you and challenges others, but it glorifies His name greatly.

As a girl, I know it can be a temptation to put a focus on the outer appearance. It's so vain and I know I could put way too much of a focus on it. But never have I cared so little about it than I do now. The only way I desire to be beautiful is by God shining in me. I know I have much room for growth, but God gives much grace and He is so patient with me.

I am tired of my sin. I hate it. The idea of overcoming weaknesses and growing in character for the glory of God is so appealing to me. Ah, dear God please keep this passion ignited in me and don't let it fade. Also, please help me to rely on your strength so that I can make progress, rather than fail. I am so weak. So, so weak. I am helpless without you Lord.

I just needed to say that. I'm too passionate about it to keep it to myself. Sorry for the little rave, haha.

Obsession

"Obsession"

By: Starfield

I am fixed on You
As the world flies by
I have lost myself
In Your blinding light

This obsession is my call
Owning body mind and soul
All I live for is to know You and be known

This obsession makes me whole
I give in to its control
It consumes me like a fire within my bones

I am not my own
I have been erased
Like a canvas washed by the stokes of grace

You're my obsession
You're all I ever need
I'm Your posession

I Will Love You.

I think I would consider this my life motto or prayer or whatever you want to call it. I love this song a whole lot:

When I think of all You are, in my life and in my heart; no words can say what I feel. Cause if anything is true, it's what I have found in You. Lord, to me, there's nothing so real. And though there is no way I can repay You, I'll give You whatever You want. I'll live a life that says You give me every song. With my every breath I'll make Your mercy known. With every soul on earth or all alone; I will love You, I will love You.

Angels see You face to face. If I could I'd take their place, and poor out my heart to You. But what they don't understand, is to know Your grace first hand and how it feels to love like I do. You bring me to my knees with Your kindness. Lord, there's nothing I can hold back. I'll live a life that says You give me every song. With my every breath I'll make Your mercy known. With every soul on earth or all alone; I will love You, I will love You.

With everything I am and everything I have, I dedicate myself to doing one thing well. I will love You.

ahh!

On Saturday, I'm taking the ACT. My score will be sent to all of the nursing programs that I am applying to. Nursing school is super hard to get in to and unfortunately, all that the schools care about are my numbers. My score could make or break my opportunity to get into nursing school. I really feel the pressure. Dear God, please help me.

Waiting

Right now, my life is filled with a lot of waiting. Waiting can be so hard. But another thing that can be even harder is be an active waiter. God wants us to use every second of our lives for His glory. I think that when we think we are waiting for something, we can forget to make sure to utilize these in-between times. I think we sometimes forget that these times are just as important as any other time. No moment is any less important or critical, when thinking of it spiritually.

In church yesterday, one thing stood out to me during the message. "It's the day to day mundane things that ultimately glorifies Christ."

I am reminded of a song that I want to define me...especially during this season:

While I'm Waiting
By John Waller

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Hey!

So, I would like to revive this blog....I like blogging....even though not many people do it any more.

School is starting tomorrow and with that comes routine. I like routine. I also like spontaneity. But really, routine makes for a more disciplined Emily, which is good. haha. I over-analyze everything. But you love me for it, right? :)

Alrighty, a real bloggity post will hopefully follow soon :)

thinkin'

[this is a rambling-type blog post...beware]

I'm the type that is always pondering things and sometimes when things keep me from pondering things clearly, I start to ponder why these things get in my way and when I start to analyze myself, I completely confuse myself. It's complicated. Not sure if that makes any sense. But that is what is on my mind. I seriously wonder sometimes if my inability to stay focused on something is some sort of disorder like ADD or if it's my laziness and weakness that just needs to be reversed....

I've been thinking about my habits recently. Some of them I like and others I am not to fond of. I feel like some parts of my life need a bit of a make over. But sometimes I can't focus long enough to change them. ugh.

You know what else I think? I think I over-think things a lot. I think often times my motivation is good, but it drives some people crazy. I don't think everyone sees that side of me. Just a few close friends that I talk a lot to about what's on my mind(and bounce things off of them) and those are often times my friends that are also my sanctifiers. Loveee them for it :)

Above I was saying that I analyze myself a lot. And one thing that I've come to realize is that no matter how "levelheaded", rational and logical I am(which would more generally be associated with how guys think), I still think like a girl. Maybe a logical, rational and level-headed girl...but still a girl. I know that sounds like a silly thing for me to realize, but it's true and it's honestly something I didn't use to think. Why did I say this? I don't know. I was just thinking about it. I never want to sound like I don't appreciate thinking like how God made girls to think...but I sure do wish sometimes I could think a little more like my brothers on some things, haha.

Right now you're either: A) sleeping because this was so boring, B) not even reading this right now because it was so boring or C) laughing at me because I am silly and rambling and making very little sense.


Here is a random picture because I felt like posting it. These are some awesome sea gulls I met in San Francisco :)

It's summer?

Wow, I can't believe summer is basically here. This time next year, I will be graduating high school and getting ready for college. Even though I do have a year, it still seems so close. I think it's because I have so many friends that are a year or two ahead of me and I've been taking college classes for a while not, so I already am getting a taste of what college is like...even if it isn't my /life/ yet. I'm excited about that new, upcoming stage of life....but I'm also content with where I am for now.

Anyhow, school isn't over yet for me, but it is lightening up. I pretty much have no plans for the summer and that is strange. The past few summers have been filled with the making of our movie, so it feels weird to not have my whole summer filled already.

I've been thinking about this summer and what I want to do with it. I think I've decided that I want to get a part time job if I can find one and just spend a lot of time in the Word and reading good Christians books. I want this summer to be filled with books that will help me mature as a Christian and prepare me for my next stage of life. But, I haven't exactly decided what to read. I'm thinking of going through Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology very slowly, as well as read a couple of other spiritual growth books. One that I think I want to read is Respectable Sins and I'd also like to read a book on Holiness.

I tell you, God is so awesome. He has been so good to challenge me so much recently. Through several friends and just spending time in His word, I have been motivated to really work at killing sin and growing as much as I can. I have such a passionate desire to grow character right now....it's /so/ hard...but it's the best kind of hard ever! Anyhow, it's also very humbling when I fail constantly and see how weak and sinful I am.

All this said, I want to know about /you/! What are your plans for the summer? Is there anything God has been showing you recently? Any suggestions for good books for me to read over the summer? Also, I seem to get a lot of readers whom I do not know. So I am curious, if you do read this, how you found out about me? :)

I have missed this little blog!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I love this verse. My goal in life is for it to define me. It's probably one of my top favorite verses. Ah! Just live by this my friends and you will be greatly be blessed :)

God stuffs...

Why in the world is God so good to me? I deserve nothing...I deserve less than nothing. But He gives me more than I even need or could ever imagine.

I tell you, at the foot of the cross is the best place to see how small and helpless you really are. And how amazing and huge and good Jesus is. If I am on my knees at the cross always, it will surely help me to see things in the magnitude and from the perspective I should. I will see sin for what it really is and I will see how no sin is small. Why do we think sin is okay? Why do we think that "little sins" exist?

My dear friends, God's love is so incomprehensible. I've been trying to see the character of God's love and oh my, how great it is. It is so believable but also so impossible to understand fully. And even that boggles my mind.

Jesus is the only thing that is ever worth your life and the only thing worth all of your energy. I beg you not to be a fool. If you believe differently, someday you will see the truth and regret not learning it sooner.

What I have learned, etc....

I'm sorry, but I have had no good ideas for blog posts. Which is why I haven't posted in forever. But now, I suppose I will just post what's been on my mind and what God has been showing me.

Right now, my life feels so full. And, it feels so fast-moving. The fact that I'm graduating next year is kinda surreal. What God's will is for my future has nearly constantly been on my mind. It's a daily prayer request that He would reveal it in His time, and that whatever desires I have that are not apart of His plan for me would be removed from me. So far, His will is appearing to be completely different than what I originally wanted. How exciting! I love an adventure. Especially one written by my God :)

I'm learning lots about myself this year. I'm learning about what I deeply love to do vs. what I just find to be a fun hobby. Sometimes, that is surprisingly hard to figure out.

I am learning what qualities really matter in a friend. I recently have been so blessed by some of my friends. They are such a gift from God and would be very hard to live without. You know, I believe God gives you different friends for different reasons. Some friends are meant to be those fun, lighthearted people that you always have crazy fun with, others are there to challenge and encourage you spiritually, and some are there listen and just to...be there. We need a little of all of that in our lives. But, if one of those are missing or there is too much or two little in our lives, we'll be lopsided. I think I lot of teens are lopsided because they leave all depth and seriousness out of all their relationships.

I'm striving to be a Godly and loving sister and daughter to my family. Next to God, they matter most. And, the things I learn from serving and loving them will only help me the older I get. For that reason, I'm deciding to not be such an overachiever in school by trying to do a gazillion subjects. I'm going to spend the rest of my highschool life more focused on the home. I think I'll benefit.

Speaking of school..... I'm learning that disciple is absolutely necessary the older you get. This semester has been so full....I really am looking forward to finishing it. I've been praying a lot about what to do after I graduate. I think I finally know where God is leading me. I tell you, talking to older and wiser people is so helpful! I'm strongly considering going into nursing and staying local for school. We'll see though...I still have some time.

I love wisdom. Gosh, I really do. I swear it's one of the best qualities a person can have. In my opinion, at least. The Bible speaks so much of how valuable it is. Definitely something to chase after a pursue. I'm learning to love it more every day.

How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver! Proverbs 16:16

Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 24:14

I've been trying to read as many spiritual growth books as possible recently. I don't have tons of free time, but whenever I find some, I try to read one of these books. Wow, I am loving that and learning lots. These are some books that are most definitely worth your time! Sometime soon, I'll give some book reviews and details ;)

hmmm, I've talked about a lot here. Maybe I should stop now. In the next post, I'll give you an update on general life stuff :)

Emily Joy =)

So it's a new year....

Wow it's 2010. I think this will be the most interesting year in my life yet. I'm excited for the future....though it's a little confusing right now ;)

Anyhow. I'm not going to make a post saying something to each of my friends. idk why, I just don't feel like it. And, apparently, no one else is doing it either....so.... yeah. But no need to be sad! You will get some happy encouragement in your birthday cards...it's better that way anyhow =P

So. For 2010, I figured I better make a goal. Yes, I always make goals. But i normally make a lot. I'm not saying that's bad...it just is less realistic. So, I'm going to make 2 goals and put all my effort towards these goals....

The first goal is for me to get completely lost in God. Yeah, kinda a weird resolution. But I very good one, I think.

My second resolution is to try to become more disciplined in every area of my life. Spiritually, physically and mentally. Because I think God is more glorified when we are more disciplined and we can serve better because of it.

What are your resolutions?