thinkin'

[this is a rambling-type blog post...beware]

I'm the type that is always pondering things and sometimes when things keep me from pondering things clearly, I start to ponder why these things get in my way and when I start to analyze myself, I completely confuse myself. It's complicated. Not sure if that makes any sense. But that is what is on my mind. I seriously wonder sometimes if my inability to stay focused on something is some sort of disorder like ADD or if it's my laziness and weakness that just needs to be reversed....

I've been thinking about my habits recently. Some of them I like and others I am not to fond of. I feel like some parts of my life need a bit of a make over. But sometimes I can't focus long enough to change them. ugh.

You know what else I think? I think I over-think things a lot. I think often times my motivation is good, but it drives some people crazy. I don't think everyone sees that side of me. Just a few close friends that I talk a lot to about what's on my mind(and bounce things off of them) and those are often times my friends that are also my sanctifiers. Loveee them for it :)

Above I was saying that I analyze myself a lot. And one thing that I've come to realize is that no matter how "levelheaded", rational and logical I am(which would more generally be associated with how guys think), I still think like a girl. Maybe a logical, rational and level-headed girl...but still a girl. I know that sounds like a silly thing for me to realize, but it's true and it's honestly something I didn't use to think. Why did I say this? I don't know. I was just thinking about it. I never want to sound like I don't appreciate thinking like how God made girls to think...but I sure do wish sometimes I could think a little more like my brothers on some things, haha.

Right now you're either: A) sleeping because this was so boring, B) not even reading this right now because it was so boring or C) laughing at me because I am silly and rambling and making very little sense.


Here is a random picture because I felt like posting it. These are some awesome sea gulls I met in San Francisco :)

It's summer?

Wow, I can't believe summer is basically here. This time next year, I will be graduating high school and getting ready for college. Even though I do have a year, it still seems so close. I think it's because I have so many friends that are a year or two ahead of me and I've been taking college classes for a while not, so I already am getting a taste of what college is like...even if it isn't my /life/ yet. I'm excited about that new, upcoming stage of life....but I'm also content with where I am for now.

Anyhow, school isn't over yet for me, but it is lightening up. I pretty much have no plans for the summer and that is strange. The past few summers have been filled with the making of our movie, so it feels weird to not have my whole summer filled already.

I've been thinking about this summer and what I want to do with it. I think I've decided that I want to get a part time job if I can find one and just spend a lot of time in the Word and reading good Christians books. I want this summer to be filled with books that will help me mature as a Christian and prepare me for my next stage of life. But, I haven't exactly decided what to read. I'm thinking of going through Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology very slowly, as well as read a couple of other spiritual growth books. One that I think I want to read is Respectable Sins and I'd also like to read a book on Holiness.

I tell you, God is so awesome. He has been so good to challenge me so much recently. Through several friends and just spending time in His word, I have been motivated to really work at killing sin and growing as much as I can. I have such a passionate desire to grow character right now....it's /so/ hard...but it's the best kind of hard ever! Anyhow, it's also very humbling when I fail constantly and see how weak and sinful I am.

All this said, I want to know about /you/! What are your plans for the summer? Is there anything God has been showing you recently? Any suggestions for good books for me to read over the summer? Also, I seem to get a lot of readers whom I do not know. So I am curious, if you do read this, how you found out about me? :)

I have missed this little blog!